A new direction, a new life, new hope!

My first computer. The commodore64. <3 Oh I remember those dos prompt, high contrast days....

I have this odd mixture of depression plus hopefulness wandering around in my body right now. I am, without a doubt, depressed. I see the signs. But I'm hopeful and excited as well. It's..... odd.

I spent a good chunk yesterday chatting with one of my best friends. He's one of those guys where you feel blessed beyond words when you stop and think about what your friendship means. He's amazing, any woman that manages to catch him is one HELL of a lucky bitch. A shame I'm taken and would never want to ruin our friendship. =P Seriously though, this man is amazing. He took us in for 6 months when we moved back to LA. He braved the drama without blinking an eye. He's always there to listen to me bitch and rant. We have amazing conversations. He does make me feel like an idiot occasionally but that's only because he's probably the most intelligent guy I know.

Poor guy im'ed me yesterday demanding to know why he was giving me nightmares (a silly myspace comment I left). Naturally, since I've been dealing with helping friends get through some emotional troubles, I launched into this long rant about my life and work and how frustrated I am. I wasn't even aware that such issues were bothering me until a friend gave me a chance to really talk about my life. Now I see why I'm always more than willing to help friends through tough times, it acts as a good distraction for me. After awhile we began bouncing ideas back and forth for my new career. What I want, what I don't want, what would make me happy, etc. My requirements have changed since I graduated high school. Life changing events made me realize what I originally wanted no longer fits with what I want my future to be like, NOW.

When I was a kid, I was all about creativity, art. I didn't want a family, so I was fine with being married to my career, didn't really understand what that whole cost of living thing is. I didn't understand the importance of stability nor did I understand just how subjective things are when it's all design based (clients love it or hate it, boss loves it or hates it no matter how technically good the final outcome is). I didn't understand how much a job that is 100% design would drain all creative juices nor was I aware of the fact that a soley design based job would bore me to tears. So, things have changed. I am ready to say good bye to fashion design but at the same time I'm not too sure I want to leave graphic design behind. I do actually ENJOY graphic design and I am a complete computer nerd. I'm the type that tends to think "oooooooh, what happens if I do... THIS?!" Occasionally I'll kill a computer, or blow up a router but it's this never ending curiousity that I have when it comes to these machines. I was raised with them, I've worked on them for a long time, I ADORE learning about computers.

After about 15 minutes of listening and bouncing ideas back and forth he pitched Web Programming. Now, he's director of IT, he's been doing this for about 6 years. So if anyone knows web programming, it's him. I expressed my fear of failing, since I've somehow got it stuck in my brain only intelligent people can manage and regardless of being a top notch student, on the honor roll my entire life, etc so on and so forth, I've never felt intelligent at all. Maybe it's because I keep company with individuals like him. Maybe it's because it seems like, as I've gotten older, the only way to prove ones intelligence is through debates and those are NOT my style. Maybe it's because my ego has been trampled into the ground over the past 5 years, who knows. He put my fears to rest simply saying it's a new way of thinking, nothing more, that I likely just need a class or two to understand.

Upon further discussion he suggested Flash Programming. This requires both programming knowledge AND graphic design. It's a very well paying nitch market. Web programming will let me build ON my graphic design experience rather than leaving it behind and apparently looks great on a resume in this field. So instead of outright trashing my last oh, 11 years (I've been doing graphics since I was 15, just kind of fell into it and been hooked since), I'm building on it. Giving it new dimension, new meaning. Being that it's both design and programming, it should keep my interest and it won't drain my creative juices like an all design based job.

I'd need to learn some computer languages, HTML (which I have basic knowledge of already), Javascript, CSS and I'd need to decide if I wanted to go the Microsoft ASP.Net route, PHP or free/linux route. I've tried learning a few computer languages, have books on CSS but my brain implodes the moment I try to take it from theory to practice. I'll get it for a split second, then loose it. So I'm hoping all I'd need is a class to remove whatever mental block it is that I have. I'd also want to enroll in some advanced photoshop classes as well as flash and web design. I've been meaning to take some advanced graphic design classes for years anyway. So ironically enough, even with my rough plan, I was heading down the web programming route without even knowing it.

It sounds perfect and upon research, I know it's a well paying, in demand job that has a solid future. Websites aren't going anywhere. I wouldn't be tied to just one city and I don't see why it wouldn't transition over to places like Europe. A degree isn't as much of a big deal since IT is largely self taught and to keep up on technology, most simply pick up a book. What matters most is getting your first job and kicking ass. Plus I'd have to keep up with new technology and new languages meaning a new excuse to learn new skills (and I LOVE learning). It honestly sounds perfect.

So I'm going to be meeting up with a few colleges to discuss my options now and a year down the line. I'm ready to enroll in classes this moment but I don't want them screwing up my unemployment nor do I know how 08 will effect any possible assistance I can get (which I will need). I figure, study web programming, brush up on graphic design, get a really solid back bone set so I can go any direction I want and do whatever my employeer asks of me, then hit the ground running when this economic shit storm passes. I'm seeing this listed in both computer technology and engineering, rarely but sometimes mixed in with graphic design. But most graphic designers (and this is personal experience) tend to focus on the design aspect and rarely, if ever, touch programming. Programmers don't get the graphics aspect. So knowing both and being skilled in both will be a HUGE asset. On top of this, being that my sole backbone to design is ART, I have even more pull than most designers since most come from a design background, not a traditional art background. Trust me, there is a huge difference between the two.

I'm finally seeing my future clearly. I'm seeing a very bright future at that. Of being happy and secure in my job. Of finally having good benefits. Of no longer being creatively drained at the end of the day. No longer having bullshit subjective standards set, of success being "did it blow up? Is it doing it's job? Yes, then there is your black and white proof that I've done MY job". Of no longer living pay check to pay check. And, for once, of not regretting spending the past 5 years as a professional graphic designer for a very lousy, abusive industry.

Life in the future, even if it's oh, 4 years down the line, looks beautiful. =D