I did a serious rehash of the last decade, curious to see how much I've accomplished. Highlights as it's longer than I thought possible:
2000: Graduated high school 6 months early with a 3.80 gpa. Earned an impressive amount of scholarships.
2000: Participated in a fair share of art shows.
2000: Lost my virginity. Yeah I was a bit late. Shut it.
2000: Enrolled at the local JC. Hated it.
2001-2004: Got involved with a man that turned out to be rather abusive but looking back on it, it was a good learning experience for me.
2001: Enrolled at FIDM after receiving the "go to school or pay rent" lecture.
2001: Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer.
2003: Got my AA in Fashion Design. 3.75 GPA
2003: Accepted to my schools advanced theatre costume program.
2004: Yay, I can now drink legally!!!
2004: Got engaged. Called it off 3 weeks later. He on the other hand continued calling me his future wife.
2004: One and only fashion show. Killed my love of sewing for a good 5 years...
2004: Earned the advanced degree in theatre costume design.
2004: Spent 3 months in Boise, ID where I realized I wasn't happy with my boyfriend at the time of 3 years.
2005: Left the abusive boyfriend.
2005: Met my current partner. :) Clubbing was explored, a social life was finally developed.
2005: My father passed away.... hardest few days of my life.
2005: Moved out, got my first job quickly after. Lost said job 3 months later due to the design team being restructured. Moved in with my boyfriend and his amazing sister.
2006: Got my own own place with my partner. After getting hired on as design director for a t-shirt company.
2007: Lost another gig, decided to travel the country for a year. Idaho, Colorado and Mass.
2008: Came BACK to LA with my tail between my legs, feeling like a screw up. Stayed with a friend for a few months.
2008: The year of the worst jobs I've ever had in my entire life. Wardrobe for a small porn studio and costume designer for a Halloween company.
2009: Hello, year of unemployment...... Thanks recession.
2009: Enrolled in school, again. This time for Web Development.
It's been an exhausting, frustrating, heartbreaking, stressful, panic inducing decade for me. Loosing my father was the hardest thing for me to cope with, but there are times I feel it might have been for the best. At least he didn't have to witness me struggle so much. There were also moments of beauty that balanced out my problems. Graduating college, even though the career that followed has been one of the biggest let downs of my entire life. I discovered who I really am and to be quite frank with you, I LIKE the blunt, in your face, snarky, honest person I've turned into. I met P this decade too. He's been my rock, the one thing that brings me back to reality when panic is beginning to cloud my every thought. He's made those hellish jobs worth it because I know I'd see him and hear is quirky laughter at the end of the day. I'm not even sure we would have met had I taken a different career path. If not, then really dealing with such an abusive industry was worth it.
I usually try my hardest not to think on the should haves, would haves, could haves. If I even allowed myself to entertain those notions, I'd drive myself mad.
I have high hopes for the next decade but I can't help but notice a small black cloud clinging to the edges of my mind. I'm trying my best to ignore it, knowing it's only there due to the stellar pattern the past 5 years has set up. 2008 was shit, 2009 was far worse. Some things I could control and I grew out of those nasty experiences. Some, such as the recession and my industry being in the top five worst industries in this great old nation of ours, is completely out of my control. I'm not going to dwell on the negative though. Life is what you make it, right?
Almost 9 years later, I find myself back in the classroom, studying what I hope is a far more positive path for me, creatively, emotionally and financially. Gods let me tell you, being surrounded by geeks is so nice in comparison to the last experience surrounded by fake fashion students. I'm thinking it might be best to keep my art on the side rather than approaching it from a do or die attitude. I've learned over the years that although I thrive under pressure, pressure to keep a roof over my head and food on my table isn't exactly conductive to creative energies. I need stability before I can start feeling like myself again.
The fact my future is so fuzzy is terrifying for me. Deep down I'm a control freak. Changing industries is too up in the air for me. Then again, fashion wasn't exactly working either. What is it that they say? Doing the same thing, over and over again expecting a different result is a sure sign of insanity. Once my financial aid is sorted, I know a lot of my stress will be lifted. I haven't been this happy in well, likely a decade. Learning and knowing I'm taking my future by the balls is so empowering.
There's honestly not a lot I'd change about my life, when I think about it. My major complaints, I'm trying to fix as we speak. It's a process, but anything in life that's really worth it, you have to work towards. I may not be earning 6 figures. I may be hitting the reset button on my career a bit too late (I know late twenties isn't late but it is for me.... I saw myself doing so much more with my career) but I have an amazing partner, wonderful friends and a great family. My apartment is pretty damn cheap, for LA that is, I have 2 adorable, loving, cuddly kitties and I can still buy the rare trinket here and there even as a student. I need to remind myself this any time I go into a self hate phase. I have things money and status could never get.
In the end, I am pretty damn lucky.
---Goals for 2010---
- Get my bloody financial aid finally sorted! I've been approved but more documents are needed.
- Dedicate myself to school, 100%. But no repeating the insanity inducing intensity of FIDM.
- Get my fitness back on track. Cardio that's knee happy for 5 days a week, weight training 3 days a week. 25 pounds lost? Maybe 30? Somewhere around a size 5 ideally.
- Diet.... transition over to a Mediterranean pescitartian. Again. Holidays screwed this up.
- Sketch daily, even if it's doodling while watching TV.
- Continue writing daily but add a food and exercise log as well.
- Do NOT back track and start thinking size 0 is a great idea.....
- Finally celebrate my damn anniversary with the boy. It's needed after the past year we've had.
- Birthday Present to myself- be in the best shape I've ever been in my entire life.
- After achieving weight loss goals, begin working on my wardrobe. Sew up a new outfit at least once a month should funds allow.
