Add me to the ranks of the Unemployed.... again.

Layoffs, the recession finally hit me. As if being unemployed in 07 wasn't enough. My company informed me yesterday that they're phasing out my position. *sighs* You can imagine how thrilled I am to learn this.

It is near impossible dragging my ass into work knowing Friday is my last day. I have zero motivation to do anything. I almost turned the car around a dozen times to head home this morning. My boss did tell me to focus in on the job hunt though so that's exactly what I'm doing. What can they do, fire me!? The designers are prepping for the show so I'm hoping I'll be left alone. I have a feeling not snapping at people if I'm asked too many questions isn't possible. In fact if I am bothered too much I might just tell my boss I can't continue doing this in good health.

I had the nerve wracking experience of having a full on panic attack yesterday. Now I understand why they cause people to rush to the ER. It honestly felt like I was having a heart attack. I made the brilliant decision to drive home after it hit. Please, never do that. If you can, let it pass then get behind the wheel when your mind isn't foggy. That experience is something I hope to never repeat. Once I got home it really hit hard. I'm still exhausted from it. *sighs*

Yesterday was an odd day. I had decided before I was told that wonderful news that I was going to start looking for other jobs. I'm not happy with the atmosphere here nor do I like how they treat their employees. I contacted my old company regarding work and let them know that I'm also open to any full time in house positions if they or anyone they know needs a designer. Then lunch comes around and my now ex boss tells me this great news. So I shoot my old boss from Glima another email letting him know I've been laid off. The owner of the company is out of the country until Friday so I won't get any updates until next week.

I get home and I have a letter from Unemployment insurance sitting in my box. It's from Sept when that damn Porn studio laid me off unexpectedly. I've been approved for near max. benefits. Now I need to contact UI again to update them on things and see if I can max out the benefits with the work I've done here. Why it took them 4 months to process my claim is beyond me, but at least I'm already in the system.

So I'm thinking my plans are this:

* Continue looking for work. Graphic design, fashion, costume, office work, wardrobe, data entry, photography, anything I can get my paws on.
* Pester my worthless head hunters once a week. Drill it into their heads what I'm qualified for and not qualified for so I don't get sent out on gas wasting interviews.
* Contact old coworkers, teachers and college mates for networking.
* IF I'm still unemployed by the time my UI runs out, then enroll in college. I still need to figure out what for. I'm thinking art teacher.

I'm seriously considering teaching art. It's been a goal since I was in high school but it was more of a, down the line kind of thing. One thing that has really bothered me about my current field is I don't feel I'm giving back to the community. All I'm doing is getting money out of people for things they really don't need. I'm against consumerism and here I am adding to it.

If I do choose to leave fashion (and I'm 95% there already), my new career must allow the following:

* I must feel as though I'm giving back to the community some how. This is a big one for me.
* It must not be so crazy insane stressful that every single day leaves me feeling drained, tired and ready to pass out by 7. No more panic attacks because the deadlines are so outrageous and I'm worked so hard that I'm left clinging onto whatever last shred of sanity I have.
* I must have enough creative juices that I can work on my own personal projects a few times a week, even if it's sketching for 15 minutes every couple of days.
* Not huge pay, but fair pay with benefits. I've never been one to aim for a 6 digit yearly earnings. I just need enough to cover bills and have some money left over for play.
* Job security.
* Paid vacations, PLEASE. I've never had these.
* Yearly bonuses.
* Upward mobility of some sort, even if it simply means fair yearly raises.
* Do NOT expect me to be ok with the whole life = work. I will not dedicate my entire life to work. I'm fine with occasional OT and weekend work but when it's expected, it's a no go. I have a social life, a boyfriend and I eventually want a family. My children will not have parents who are never around because their career is more important.

Clearly if I go back to school I'll be approaching it from a different mind frame than when I was fresh out of high school. I know what it's like out there, what I need to be happy in the work place.

I don't know, the whole school thing seems like the best idea. Hide out in college until this recession is over. I just need to do more research. Some sites have suggested a double major to teach art. I'm wondering if my two degrees (fashion and theatre costume design) would help. If I need a BA, then I won't be done with school until I'm 30. Jesus.

Sad to say but if getting married helped me with financial aid, should I decide to do this, I may have to have a serious sit down talk with the SO. It's going to happen with us anyway, that much is clear.

He's handling this beautifully. Instead of stressing out or getting angry at me, he's been so kind and attentative. I can't get over it. I really don't know how I got so lucky.....